I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
