Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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