Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
