sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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