So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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