The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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