he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
