So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
