Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize