remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
