And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
