Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
