hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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