you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
