I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
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I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
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You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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