Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize