Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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