he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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