So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
