I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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