I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
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there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
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Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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