I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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