sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize