Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
