this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
