u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
