Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
