Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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