I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
