upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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