That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
