it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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