I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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