Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
