we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
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The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
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i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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