We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
