then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
