All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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