He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
