Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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