im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
