Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
high people should be assigned attendants
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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