I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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