he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
