Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Randomize
