I got chris browned last night
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
