There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Is it penis luge time yet?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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