Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
