I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
