this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
