so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
it was like his penis was on wheels.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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