just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
