My friends, they love my intelligence
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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