he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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