big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
