Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
