I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It's shark week go big or go home
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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