i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
