allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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