i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
