Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
