He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
just found out that she named her cat after me.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
