Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize